by Julie Seyler, 2025
Gluten for Punishment is a hybrid memoir/cookbook written by long-time baking blogger (https://twobittart.com) and trained chef Julie Seyler. This Gen-Xer took her real-life stories of dating disasters in the modern world and turned it into a memoir. Sometimes funny, sometimes exasperating, she chronicles five main relationships that start out mostly from online dating apps and end always in heartbreak. The writer keeps it lighthearted (mostly) and learns some harsh lessons in the process. Along the way, she shares the recipes that gave her solace in her lowest moments.
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I have mixed feelings about this book. It started with great promise and great humor. The introduction is cleverly written and sets us up for an enjoyable read. And then we dive into a 350-page slog through five primary boyfriends and a few minor ones thrown in for entertainment. The five are each bad in their own right, but get worse as time goes on—issues that younger men have, such as jealousy and possessiveness, graduate to “I’m separated and haven’t quitefiled for divorce yet,” and finally we end up with the full-fledged abusive and manipulative narcissist. In all, we see the author desperate for their attention, desperate for physical intimacy, subsuming her personality and needs to be with a man. Any man. I found myself losing patience at the end of each scenario, wondering if she would ever get counseling or see her part in this: yes, they were awful, but she had also chosen these men. She was part of the pattern. What is missing here is some self-reflection and honesty.
The last one, Dexter, she says finally broke her, and brought her to a sea change of self-awareness and motivation to do things differently going forward. Yet the detail is lacking. Aside from some internet studies that she’s done, I’m wondering where this understanding has come from and whether the sea change will last. Her analysis of Dexter is inconsistent with what she has told us. For example, she says Dexter subjected her to love bombing/devaluation cycles: “the love/reward and then anger/withdrawal/punishment that created a powerful brain cocktail that resulted in my addiction to the wolf’s toxicity…” This puzzled me. In going back to reread the early days of their romance, I don’t find a single mention of his love bombing her. In fact, early on he’s broken up with her after 3 months of indifference. Then she does an internet search and finds he’s a misogynistic pig. When they finally get together again, I still don’t find love bombing; in fact, he insists they keep their relationship secret from their friends for months. This all begs the question of why this woman is with this man to begin with. She claims she was addicted, but I have to ask: addicted to what? If there was ever anything good there, she hasn’t told us.
All good memoirs must end with some kind of transformation, and offering hope to her readers. She claims she is a new person in the end, mostly by understanding the damage her father has done. I hope for her sake that the transformation is lasting. I’m not sure she’s met the goal of helping readers understand the danger of partnering with damaged men, or at least spotting the red flags.
One note about the recipes. While at first it seemed like a clever juxtaposition and one that might work in a baker’s blog, here I found them an intrusion to the memoir. I found myself skipping past them to continue with the story. Because they weren’t integrated with the drama as I expected (“I was depressed after Edmond did such-and-such and went home to bake this—” and bam, there was the recipe), for me, they didn’t add anything to the story arc.
Because of the inconsistencies, lack of transparency, and confusing structure, I gave this one 3 stars on Amazon. If you read it and disagree, I invite you to leave a comment below!
