by Karen Solt, 2025
Last week, as a member of the National Association of Memoir Writers, I attended our virtual monthly book club where I heard an amazing woman speak about her memoir. She had served in the US Navy for 22 years, closeted as a lesbian sailor for the entire time. She didn’t realize when she was recruited into the Navy at age 18 that she was gay; this was something that came to her, over time, while enlisted. Once her truth became known to her, it was freeing in some respects, but it was also 1984: being gay in the US military was considered a crime.
Watching this incredible woman speak, who had nothing but positive things to say about the Navy and how she loved serving her country, and yet had to keep the biggest fact about her life under wraps for her entire career, was astounding. As soon as the webinar was over, I ordered her book, Hiding For My Life: Being Gay in the Navy.
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Now let me state up front: I didn’t read this book because I could relate to her in any way. I am not gay. I have never served in the Navy, or for that matter in any branch of the US military. But I knew this woman had a powerful story to tell, one that involved trauma, fear, unbelievable strength and bravery, and ultimately, healing, and I couldn’t wait to read what she had to say.
I not only learned about her personal struggles and career triumphs, but I learned a lot about the Navy—what it means to wear black shoes vs. brown shoes, how she had to press her uniform and make her bed, what it means to “engage my military bearing.” In all of it, her obvious pride in the Navy comes through loud and clear.
I listened to the audio version and the author narrates it herself. A final trauma near the end of the book, even though it happened many years ago now, had the author’s voice cracking trying to get through it, and it absolutely gutted me.
To know that discriminatory practices toward the gay and lesbian community can ultimately lead to tragedy and destroyed lives, whether inside or outside the military, is simply intolerable. Karen Solt’s very real and raw account of being gay inside our military at a time when it was illegal is an astounding and sobering book that you won’t be able to put down.
You can find it here:
